Can our beliefs be detrimental?

By: Thabelo Leoli

I've just gotten out of a relationship that was kind-a toxic. I had been battling with thoughts of getting out for, like, four months. You're asking yourself what had been keeping me from acting. Guts! Yeah, I had no cojones to do it. Not sure whether fear of losing the person superseded the belief in myself that I am a tough person, that I could withstand the neglect I was receiving in my relationship lately. Oh, let's just say, it was the nostalgic belief that our honeymoon phase will rebound if I stay a little longer. Because yeei!

Another fucked up thing about belief is that it may actually kill you. Ask your neighbour whose spouse repeatedly beats them to a pulp why they keep going back the minute they check out of hospital. They believe that they will be able to change the abusive person one day, or they are stubborn in their "rightness" of choice, they can't admit to having a failed marriage, no!

That's just how far belief can take you. That's how I let my relationship cross into 2023. I believe that I am the nice guy who can't just hurt people, that I am the enduring type who keep composure and could withstand punches of neglect I was getting from the person I claim to be showing love. Until it got me depressed to the point of not wanting to speak to them again.

The world just works this way; you have that unsuccessful start-up sucking out your life-savings, but can't close it down because you've set the standard for yourself, to be the icon of strength. You have the society to prove it to, or you are setting an example of perseverance to your 5th grade daughter. Same goes with marriage, same for that toxic church club that always meets to speak ill of you, judging why you bought a new car instead of renovating your mom's house. You are not a quitter and you'll stay.

Okay let's be positive for a moment, belief is a powerful virtue. Lack of it can lead to mediocrity and loss of motivation to to things you would otherwise be capable of doing. Upholding your belief, as speakers always preach, sets us in our best attitude towards achieving goals. Believe is the ultimate driver of human progress. What I'm pointing out here is "TAKE IT EASY", your believe maybe wrong, which most of them are. In most cases, we are all wrong about anything.

I am not the most generous person, I'm not Christ; and the sooner I accept this, the better my life will be. Trying very hard to be, can, on the flip side, only yield me depression and death. Me believing I'm the most generous guy around only gets me entitled to getting recognition and reward for it, and sorry, people don't give a fuck about such values. People will reward a little bit of selfishness, because that way they motivate you to be a little more kind to them next time. But if you're all-kind, all-giving, people will just exploit what you give and never feel obliged to give back.

Now you're asking. But how? Be simple, someone wrote: "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication"(idk who the fakk wrote that or why the faak I'm putting it here) but yeah, be simple, and don't overextended yourself. You just helped your aunt pay for your cousin's school fees this quarter because she clearly had no money, and now she's asking you to also pay for their DSTV subscription, just don't. They can pretty much live without TV mos. In fact, she could have sold that TV to pay school fees.

You think your neighbour doesn't like you? You might be right, equally you might also be wrong. Whichever way, keep the distance, just make sure to stay out of their business; It will eventually show. Sticking around and thinking you can clue things up can get you even embarrassed, or worse, in trouble with them _ you surely don't want to see that. Just let it sit in your casual belief.

People who believe they are the strongest will be demoralized when their strength fails to stand the storms of life. I know students who believed they were the smartest, top-of-the-class in secondary, they would literally cry over getting a 51. Whereas my friends and I would be holding a "as long as we're not failing" topic in the back-seat, and smiling at our 50s _ Belief breeds insecurity.

I know you just attended a self help seminar and the speaker told you that you are unique, your favorite YouTuber said you are special and you should believe in your power. Here I come, to tell you that your will-power will not impact every aspect of life, accept it. You will fail at many things, we all do. You will lose your job, don't be emotionally attached to it. Uncertainty is the only certainty we got in this lifetime, and we have no control over what will happen. You are right to uphold your believes, but don't hold them too high, lest they fall and break.